scattered

i hate this bloody feeling when i am all upset doing something that i enjoy doing... having just to spend my time in Border's Gloria Jean sipping on my peach tea but now just feeling all emo and upset!


There is this guy sitting few seats away from me opening up and trying to figure out how to operate a new iphone 4, and another lady closer to me munching on her sandwich but i am all just annoyed and feeling so restless...

some people love to be loved, but i dont think so... knowing that you're loved is good, but anything more than that is painful... it upsets me knowing that people around me are in pain because of that bloody four letter words....







you tell me that you are in pain and you feel like dying, but i feel worst than dying... FUCK IT!

anger turn pleasure

Whenever a couple has got an arguement, i personally think that the best way to make up is to have a make up sex.. as i've read about it several times from some articles, i've personally only gave it a go yesterday, and trust me... its really good and like the session was so much hotter than usual...

well, basically me and my bf had some arguement and we were both pretty upset over it... after a hot shower (i showered alone btw), we were having a chat in his room when we just started kissing and things just went on to removing pieces of clothes before the whole thing started...

believe it or not, the whole sexual intercourse lasted for like more than an hour like continuously... we started from like top up bottom down facing one another position to like everything... side ways, on the chair, carry, on the back and like everything u can imagine (not to forget the doggy position)... like yea... it was freaking good...
i wonder how many calories i lost just from yesterday night... hahaha..

damn it... thinking about the whole session is making me horny...

to satisfy

its funny how my mood changes so fast from one to another.. at one night, i was emo and all upset, and the next day waking up knowing that everything has turned better and life still goes on... perhaps its the miracle work of a good sleep + a carefree day...

Well, i find it quite funny that why i am back here now at this blog talking about my life... should i talk about my sexcapades or should i just talk about my real life?

I have my never-ever-ending-lust to satisfy that i have to get rid of daily and somehow, it has increased to like twice a day now... haha... the funny thing was that yesterday when i was watching a movie(gay one but not exactly a porn), i got so turned on by the male character moaning and i end up wanking... haha...

the bi-product of a horny guy with a gay movie... CUM!

whore

I am now officially calling myself a slut... I am not happy with what i am doing now, but basically i think that it is best that things remain like what it is now... maybe by keeping things just how it is now will make everyone happier...

Anyway, having reading pluboy's blog just now, I have to say that i am kinda sexually active too.. having all these activities lately has really spiced up yet complicate my sexual life... am i just pure horny or slut?

alone

a lot has happened lately, and things has been getting out of control that i myself is not taking it well... I have screwed up my life, and a few more others whom i should have not... I have been trying to be happy for the past few weeks, but i has been really hard for me... All i do is just to do things like a routine, and trying to make everyone happy other than myself.... i am not blaming anyone for it, as it is myself who has brought it to this stage...

I personally would see this blog as a place to escape from the public and to ignore what other people think about me so i can just be myself...

I am upset now for upsetting all these people who i really care for... maybe this is karma, but i am really feeling it... How i really wish that i will just be able to go to bed and never ever wake up to face the reality and what is going on around me..

I really want to cry now, and to just live my life just how it used to be 10 years ago.. I really hate myself now, and would like everything to end... I dont want to hurt anymore people, and i just want to go on with my life all by myself alone... I dont want anyone to look at me or to show any affection to me... just leave me alone... I just want to be all by myself!

numbers

Had a conversation with one of my ex bf just now and we were talking about relationship and stuff, and how perasan he is on how good a lover he was to me and all that kinda thing...

Me:
none of my relationship involves u


Ex:
got, your fifth relationship involves me


Me:
well, other than that obviously....
1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 6th, 7th, 8th......none!


Ex:
hahaha..u got so many...lil bit also not like me loyal to one


Me:
what makes u think that having many ex bf means i am not loyal?

So, what makes you think that having lots of bf or ex signifies that you are or won't be a good bf??? Number doesnt matter, its the process that is!

for the record, i got 8 official ex-es up-to-date..

both the same

It sucks to know that you're torn between two lover, when both of them are equally good... As some may not know, i'm stuck between two guys that i really love, and really want to be with... call me stubborn, selfish, idiot, moron, player or whatsoever it is, but i feel the same for both of them...

One of them is a student in Malaysia at my age, which i've never met before, but we've developed this very special feeling towards one another.... The feeling has been there for quite awhile, and i've started a relationship with him (a distance one) for almost 3 months... I know someone out there may think that i am childish to have such feeling, but what i feel is true...

The other guy has been with me for almost 2 years, and he's slightly older than me... Its not that i don't love him, but i've just developed a new feeling for the other guy at my age... I do know that its a stupid option wanting to be with both of them, but that is what i've opted for...

MYOB

I just spoke to one of my ex (to be exact, my 5th) and he told me about the rumours he heard about me back in Malaysia.... it just somehow amazes me how far and how long a nonsensical rumour can go on by feeding on people's curiousity and their pat por-ness....

well, he asked about a scandal rumour that involved me and another guy (obviously its a guy, duh!) when i was in KL, and the so called affair we had... i'm not going to comment anything about that it, and all i got to say is that you are no one to judge me on what i do, or what i've done... even if you think you are someone to judge me because of the past relationship we had, i am very much disappointed in you as i think you do not know me as well as you did (i hope you did) and worst of all, look and judge me just like everyone out there....

There is no point of me going out defending and telling everyone how untrue that rumour is, as it will only raise up even more curiousity and question... Its up to you to judge me, but not for you to comment...

music me away

i've always wished that i can play the piano or guitar... i donno why, but i think that both the instruments, especially the piano, is just pure romantic and sexy... believe it or not, i used to have a crush on a guy because he was able to play the piano... he's not some hot hunky nor cute guy, but he was able to play the piano... He played me a few songs, and i was purely touched by it... i can't explain it, but its just the feeling i have when one plays the piano or even a guitar...

If a guy can ever play a piano well enough, i will so fall in love with him just because of that... I find guys who can play musical instruments to be really romantic... He can just take my breath away by sitting down and play me a good melody or song... i can spend my whole day watching and listening him playing that instrument...

come to think of it, it has been quite a while since anyone played me anything... I love going to some cafe with live singing like Halo Cafe... I can spend my whole night, watching that someone there playing that guitar without even uttering a word...

One of my ex used to attend piano class just to play me Canon and a few more songs... aaaaahh...........

THEY'RE HERE!

HOLLY COW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

S.H.E. IS IN MALAYSIA TONIGHT FOR THEIR ANNUAL CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!! SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, maybe i am less chinesey than i am, but I adore those 3 Taiwanese girl's singing... and i think that they are freaking cute... its like their 4th concert in Malaysia or so, but i've never got the chance to attend it either because i was busy, or financially weak.... I've been a fan of theirs since early secondary school, and more when i was with my Sarawakian ex... I LOVE SHE!!!!!

i so wanna go watch their concert now!!!! shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please please please come to Brisbane... please please please.........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

from left to right, Hebe, Ella, Selina...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will you?

If I am rich with extra time to spend, I would buy / get / do

- An SLR Camera
- Nice clothing
- Designer's glasses + shades
- Lots of shoes
- Beautiful rings
- A nice arm band tattoo
- A piercing on my ear
- A Nissan Fair Lady
- Fly a light aircraft around Malaysia
- Iphone
- Watches
- Cool caps
- Perfumes
- Weekend bags
- Travel to Japan

and that is only IF i am rich with lots of time to kill... However, both of them doesn't seems to come together... I am only having the extra time, but not the extra money..

Sydney!

I am planning to go Sydney during the Easter Holidays!!  any taker????

well, i'll be getting a few days off during Easter break, and due to that, i've decided to hit Sydney for the first time and to just relax and chill out.... this can be a backpacking trip if we're tight on budget, but i think that it'll still be great fun... buzz me people if you are interested!

what has it got to do with you?

what the hell is wrong with people who has got an issue with the gays?!

its not like i will fall for them or go fuck them when they are sleeping... some of my batchmates has somehow got to know that i am a gay and they've been targetting on me whenever we talk about a relationship and stuff like that...

I've always got the urge to come out to them and just clear whatever doubt they have and rest the case once and for all, but i just have no idea how to, and what will the consequences be.... I am gay and so what?!

final 3

the last 3 'about me'   *_*

21. I'm a coffee addict and i must have at least a cup of coffee a day... I love fruit juices too, but prefer having them as fruits than in the liquid form... I like my coffee with milk, and a big fan of starbucks.. don't ask me to drink all those syrup kinda thing in pasar malam as i think that they're just pupre sugar with colouring... I don't mind fresh fruit juices, but not those bottled...

22. Although i've been gay since like, i donno, years, but not much people know about it.. My parents kinda know about it few years ago when i ran away from home, but i think that they thought i've turned straight now... A few ex-school and college mates of mine know about my sexuality, but i don't think that it matter to them... Its just my sexual preference, and it has got nothing to do with them... its not like i discriminate straight guys right?!

23. finally Although i've gained my flying licences, i've yet to got my licence to drive a car in Malaysia (and everywhere else)... Call this weird, but i really didnt have the time to go for the course and everything as my birthday is at the end of the year, which means that i'm usually busy at then for my holidays, or for work...

ngek ngek.... now takashi, u know me better don't u?? and everyone else.. hahaa...

the ME for YOU

anyway, yea.... i've yet to complete the tagging thing and i am a little lazy to finish it up... but since takashi gave me such a big task and honoured me with it, i will do my best today...

continued :

12. My first phone was a Nokia 3310 which my late grandpa gave me... as i was about 12 years old at then, i was having to share the phone with my mom and sister and at then, a standard 6 boy having a mobile phone was like a big thing... after that i opted for a stupid LG (Look Great but good for nothing phone) after having to help my dad out at work during the end of the year... It was a flip phone, and it went kaput about 2 years after that... i have a few more phones after that, but currently i am using a Nokia E63, Sony Ericson K710 (i think) and 1 more cheap Nokia phone... 2 are Australian Numbers, and the other 1 is my original Malaysian number, just in case that i've got anyone looking for me in Malaysia

13. I love dogs to cats as cats are just pure ignorant animal... I used to have a dog by the name of Mickey given by my aunt but he died in a car accident... my mom was sort of the murderer as she set the dog free for a walk outside my house when a car came at the corner and ran through that poor thing... after that i had a stupid random cat from nowhere which then disappeared after 2 nights... I didnt even have the time to get a name for he (i think its a he) before he just disappear from the surface of the earth...

14. I've got quite a number of nicknames in the internet... I first ventured into the cyber world at the age of 15 or so when my parents got me a broadband from Streamyx.. i first adopted the name of KEN as i find it to be cool from a game i used to play (King of Fighter) when i was young... after that, i decided to change it to something else because some horrible stuff happened to me (refer to point 15)

15. My most memorable (bad) experience that i've been through is running away from home... Yeap, at the age of 15 after completing my PMR, the naive me decided to leave home to my bf (currently ex) in Kuching.. Well, it was a huge thing and create lots of problem for everyone... I was tricked to stay with him and believing whatever that bastard guy told me... well, i rarely tell anyone about it, so i am not planning to elaborate more on it here in the public...

16. I've puffed several times but not exactly finishing a stick.. Was exposed to shiisha 3 weeks ago with some of my batchmates in aus and went tipsy for the whole night... i've got nothing against or for it but am not going for it again any time soon... I'm quite bad at alcohol too, and got drunk several times... the worst drinking experience i've got was the night i met K when he was working at a pub as a manager... i ended up being driven home by a friend of mine and waking up half naked without knowing what happened in between that...

17. Black is easily found in my closet (beat that takashi!) as its the easiest to match with any colour... i got a pink shirt from my God brother 2 years ago from philosophy, but now the shirt has went kaput.. i don't really fancy any colour, but i am more to the designs of it... Maybe less of bright florescent clothing because i am tan?

18. Believe it or not, i was a cheerleader back in college, and also was a band member playing the saxophone back in secondary school... They're so related yet different, but i was very involved with both of them, one after another... I was one of the top saxophonist in my school, playing solo in the Penang Symphony Band Competition back in 2004 and winning a silver medal.. In college, i then joined the Cheerleading competition organised by myself, and my team manage to became the 1st runner up...

19. I love dressing up and being presentable at most time when i am outside with my friends.. People call me vain, but i just address myself as metrosexual.. Inner beauty is equally important, but that is up to the rest of the world to find out about myself... Shopping is what i like doing, but i do feel guilty after buying whatever it is that i don't really need... I fancy glasses and shades, and somehow, i think that guys with glasses are freaking cute...

20. Just like what the number signify, i am 20 this year and i am still discovering more about myself... I love socialising through the net as well as in the real world, and treats everyone equally disregarding their sexuality.. I fancy cute guys and girls, but don't really discriminate those who are less fortunate.. haha...

Being tagged

Takashi, believe it or not, this is my first time being tagged in my blogging life..

1. I was born and raised up in Penang till I've completed my secondary education.. Well, I've been wanted to get off from Penang ever since i've visited KL way before i even started my secondary school life as i do notice the different in the lifestyle... I just love the busy city with lots of things to see (such as cute guys) and discover... As I know that i will be able to gain my freedom after my 17 years in Penang, I fought my way to KL by telling my parents that i want to take up my A-level course in KL... After i've landed in KL, trust me, nothing was able to change my mind of being based permanently back in Penang...

2. My personal believe is Never Depend on anyone else other than yourself.. Even since i was young, i tried to do whatever i can without depending on my parents... As i started my new life in KL, i stopped taking pocket money from my parents after i've settled down by working part time after class and during the weekends.. of course, after i've met K, he do partially help me out on my daily expenses... However, i decided not to burden anyone else in determining my future and fought my way through all the odds and to get the scholarship i am having now to fulfil my dream... btw, cheating in exam is another different story..

3. I am a banana and yes, i am still ever proud of it... Mind you, i do know how to read and write draw out my chinese name.. Although i stopped learning chinese after primary 3, i do speak mandarin at home and with some of my friends... I speak hokkian with my grandparents and schoolmates, and started speaking cantonese after i went to KL... i am currently able to speak and listen to hakka as i use to stay with K and his family for about half a year..

4. Goal? I've got tonnes of them and well, mostly partially completed.. But the biggest goal i've got so far is to complete my studies here and return to Malaysia to start working as a pilot... Well, maybe i want to buy my own car (any car) by the age of 22 and then a house at the age of 25... i donno...

5. I hate Pineapples, prawns, pumpkins and pears... Well, i can't take prawn because i am allergic to it while the rest was just preference.. btw, i super duper hate needles...

6. takashi, i have no idea what is that about...

7. Being naked..... only in shower and love making session, or maybe when i sleep with someone.. haha.. Well, i do like the feeling of being free without having any piece of cloth touching my skin, but cant really do that at home back in Malaysia... well, i sleep without my underwear though.. only a pair of shorts and shirt..

8. I was a member of Celebrity Fitness back in Penang and thats all... i wanted to join California Fitness when i was in college, but didnt really have the financial support as i was living under a super tight budget... However, i'll definitely join the gym again after i finish my studies here and return to Malaysia... and yea, definitely Mid Valley's CF!

9. I love food tasting, as well as food making... one thing i hate about it is the washing part after cooking and eating... i don't mind preparing food for everyone, i don't mind cutting and washing the ingredients, but i totally hate washing dishes... I do bake as well, but yea, my mom and myself made up an agreement of she washing and cleaning up the place after i bake... fair enough...

10. takashi, i beat u on this one... I own a Friendster account, but has not been logging in for more than a year... and i do have a few other socialising network thing... i have Facebook, Twitter, Axcest, Gaydar.co.uk, Gaycrawler, Aussiemen, Fridae, Squirt.... i've got quite a number of all those socialising thingy, but not TT as i personally dislike it, and also i don't understand chinese...

11. Position i used to hold in school... well, i was the Treasurer for the Board of Librarians in my school, Human Resource Director for the Young Enterprise Programme, Secretary for the Tourism Club, Secretary for the Student Welfare Committee in College, Debater for TARC KL in 2008, Chairperson for the first cheerleading competition in TARC... i donno... i just love joining all those random stuff and i donno, maybe i'm an attention seeker so to say... haha..

to be continued...

australians are straight??

I donno whether am i the only gay guy in Gold Coast who is in his 20s... Mind you, i am very not desperate for sex here but maybe i am just looking forward in meeting some teenager here who is also gay and just become very very very very good friends... i am sort of sick of my friends here and they're just those typically straight guys who act so straightly...

anyway, after creating an account in Fridae, there were a few Australian guys that messaged me and wanted to be friends or even more.. Although i don discriminate people who is older mature, but maybe i can just communicate easier and more comfortable if they are just somewhere around my age... After a short while of thinking, i decided to meet this Chinese guy who is in his mid thirties for a dinner.. well, he's ok but quite short and plump but the worst part was that he was trying to hug me, kiss me and even touch me at my private area... its like totally idiotic la... going out for a dinner with you doesnt mean i don mind being touched and harrassed by your big dirty disgusting fat hands...

Is there any way of just meeting nice and sincere friends.. I am not looking for sex btw cause i am already in a relationship... I miss T and K very much... *sigh*

troubled, again

I am just feeling emo now just like pluboy.. Well, i don't know what happened to him but likewise, i am troubled due to the relationshipS i am having currently.. Maybe its the music i am listening to now but I feel so torn apart between both of them..

There's nothing I have got to say about my relationship with K as we're already together for almost 2 years now and we're already in the so called 'lou fu lou chai' (old husband and wife) status... There were obviously arguments and believe it or not, we've even fought physically for once due to some very very very huge stuff (at least this shows that we don sit around slapping each other like bitches but we do it the mens way!)..

anyway, T is the only one i am very worried of... I am not saying that he is incapable of taking care of himself but to me, he's just a little innocent naive boy (although we're at the same age) to our community... He's really really sweet and unaware of what other people's intention towards him... I am not saying that i am a saint or anything but I swear to God, i've never intended to harm him in any single way... I know you readers will be saying that I am already doing it to him now by cheating on him but I am really really worried of him being in our society.. I am just doing my best to protect him from the hooligans out there and again i swear that i've never ever thought of having sex or whatsoever with him.. What i feel for him is just love and no other intentions other than that.. If you are to put me and him in a room in a sober condition, I will never do anything to him other than just a pure cuddle...

I had quite a long conversation with T 2 nights ago and i swear, it was the most comforting conversation i've had with anyone in the year of 2010.. I am really in deep fear of what the future may bring for me and T.. I don't want him to be heart broken one day to know that i am already attached with someone.. I love him true heartedly and nothing else that I ask for other than him...

i am being very emo now... sorry...

sexy aussie

Australia is a freaking good place for plu to be in... As its a weekend after class, i decided to just go out to the town to just get lost for the fun of it... along the beach, there were tonnes of half naked guys only having a pair of shorts on... some of them are not that good looking but their bodies are the ones to die for.. they have their six packs and sexy chest just there for u to watch and if you are lucky, even their un-tanned bubbly ass... LOL

However, some of these Australians has got quite nasty behaviour and discriminate us asians here.. they have this semacam way when they stare at the asians as though they're the suicide bomber... I am not saying all the australians are bad but some are just horribly nasty...

anyway, i am enjoying my life here visiting the beach and cycling here... damn good bodies half naked... i saw a japanese looking guy driving a car without shirt too.. trust me, i was about to get a hard on seeing him exiting his car...(i donno why but i am just turned on by asian guys more than the westerners..)

should i start taking their pictures when i get a chance and share it on the blog??? hmm... gay paparazzi on action!

Obsessed?!!

maybe i am not prepared for all these that i am having now... being in a relationship with K and trying to keep another with T is really stressful... was chatting with T yesterday night and he uttered that I am obsessed with him and he requested me not to 'stalk' on him... i donno... maybe he meant it jokingly but i really felt a knife piercing my heart... for whatever that i am doing now, i don mean to stalk on him or even trying to be possesive but all i want is just to care more for him and to understand what is going on in his daily life... i don't know how to be caring but not 'possesive'...

On the other hand, K has been quite down lately due to poor financial activity and upcoming CNY which will cost him more money... i donno what can i do for him to feel better la... i miss K very much also...

stuck..

T just told me that he broke up with his bf (now ex) the night before yesterday and he feels very much better after that... I felt a sudden gush of happiness but the thing that came into my mind was the question asking myself.. what about myself?? i am currently being greedy wanting to have both these fine gentlemens as my lover.. i am again in a dilemma on deciding on whether a decision should be made or not...

I was left speechless for a moment then all i had in mind was for him and K to forgive me for what i am doing.. am i being too possesive and obsessed with T lately?? How and what should i do now?!

Back in double love

T is not ignoring me anymore... I want to go back to Malaysia to see him...

I LOVE YOU T!!!!!!

love is in the air... lalalalalalala..............

maintaining a WE?

its weird waking up knowing that you've had a dream about your ex and worst when its some sort of like a wet dream kinda thing... anyway, had a great week and things were looking great in class and everything was going according to plan but when it comes to relationship, its another story...

T seems to be ignoring and being treating me very coldly as there seems to be almost no sms... i can sense that something bad is about to happen but i don think that i am all prepare for it... although we've never met, but it still sucks knowing that the so called online relationship we have is going to end and it will definitely feel awkward to talk to each other after that... i miss him very much la... *sigh*

On another hand, K is starting to cold down as well as we're currently having to live with what we are having now, without one another, for another 10 months... Before i started the relationship with K, he was the high profile kinda guy and knows quite a number of people and from what i heard, he was as well a slut... I am now very worried that as we are far apart, he would just go back to his previous lifestyle and the 'we' would be gone as well...

desperate measures

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torn between two lover

can distance be the reason of separating in a relationship??

well, i am currently in a relationship with K and T and believe it or not, they are both in Malaysia while i am in some other continent in the world (that sucks...i know!)... well, the one thing is that i've never met T in real life but we started the 'date' we had not too long after we got to know each other in the internet through some random friend and we don't mind and have never even mentioned about what to, how to and where to for the relationship...

and another thing... am i considered cheating on K since that i've been long attached with him while T and myself has only started less than a month ago?? I have no idea how or why but K has started to question me on who is T because he saw from my facebook that i've been visiting his page quite oftenly...

I don mean to cheat on any one of them but i really like them... any Dr Love around here??

feeling like a fool

sexpedition?

it really really irritates me when all these random people added you and start off by asking ASL and stuff like that... Why cant people PLU just behave like normal and just start off with a conversation instead of AGE SEX LOCATION and followed by STATS... its worst when they added with DO YOU DO CAM SEX/FUN?!?!

hello... i am not here to satisfy or have a mutual sexderstading and to please you... I know you have a dick but do note that you too have a pair of hands and you are able to jerk off... my God... I know you are horny but the least is to give yourself a slight respect when starting a conversation with a stranger... i can be horny too but i dont go around asking you for the length of your dick and stuff like that...

speak with your brain.. not dick

2 randoms

I just read from The Star online regarding the churches burning incident in Malaysia... Well, i am not very certain of what happened but I am very much disappointed.. Although i am not a Christian nor a Muslim (as i am a free thinker), i am just very curious on what was going on those idiot's mind when they set the fire on the churches.. Its just a matter of a word in a journal and that triggered them to light up a 4 churches?!! how stupid!!

well, I personally love Malaysia but Malaysian's mentality is just... i don't know... so stuck in donno where... I am wondering what happen if the PLUs in Malaysia come out from the closet.. they might get killed and even dis-owned by their family members...

Anyway, life here in Australia is not that bad... Am still deeply in love with K and T as nothing has changed but i am starting to get worried as T seems to be treating me very coldly lately... I have no idea how can i maintain this long-distanced-never-meet-before relationship but... donno la...  ish... I have no idea how can i develop a stable relationship with him although i know that i really want him to be mine and to be protected...

I can be horny

but I miss you with my heart and not dick

life without K & T

class has been 'colder' than usual as people start to talk about my sexuality and stuff like that... for those who has gone through this stage(and survived it), i would like to give u a big kiss hug and salute you for being this strong... it sucks to know that people are talking at your back pointing fingers at you and calling you a freak although you did nothing wrong but just choose to like someone of the same gender... its not like i like anyone of them (i swear i dont!) and wanted to kiss or even *#@& them but its just my choice in my life to like someone who is a guy... why is it that most people i know always think that being gay is disgusting and an act of indecency??

well, i basically have no one to talk to or even to share my feelings here in Australia and it hurts to know that people you use to call 'friends' is taking a step away from yourself...

anyway, on a happier note, i am at least glad to know that i have my lovers back in Malaysia.. yeap... its true that i have fallen in love and showing affection towards 2 people at the same time but that doesnt actually mean that i am a slut or whatsoever... What I have for them is just the feeling of loving and wanting them to be protected and happy... its not like i have sex with both of them and i am flirtatious.. i swear to God that i put both of them at the same position in my heart and no other plu is even compatible to them.. I will call one of them as K and the other one as T...

K is actually my lover since 2 years ago and we are going happily together... then not too long ago, i started to develop feelings towards T after getting to know him online through a friend.. although i've never met T, there's just this urge of me to keep him protected from any harm that our plu society that might put on him... I am not saying that i am so sacred and angellic but the least is that i want him to live a happy live... and yes, myself and T are having an online relationship currently and i don mind calling him everyday to just talk and listen to him...

Personally, being in a relationship doesnt mean to have sex and kiss or whatsoever; but its to treasure that someone and wanting him to be happy and safe all the time... no doubt I have raging hormones and wanks, I've never expected myself to meet T and the first thing to do is to have kiss and have sex... a hug is more than enough for me IF i am given a chance to see him and nothing more that i am asking...

ok.... so much with talking about T... I got to know K 2 years back from my ex and yea, we've been together since then... I do love him very much and K has been a great lover to me... maybe you will say that i am a jerk that is misusing K and flirts around but I do love K just as before and he is as well my lover... I've never intended or even want to break up with him after i get to know T because K has become a part of my life...

and yes... I LOVE K AND T VERY MUCH!!

introduction

it took me quite awhile to just get this blog up and alive... i am myself a blogger with a blog sharing my life with others but there's always this topic which i've never in my life talked about in my blog although i've always had the urge to do so...

as a Malaysian growing up from a typical chinese family, i've always been living in the closet being a gay and "different" from the rest of my school mates (although i was from a boy school)... People from the place i grow up from just thinks that it is wrong to love or even to adore a person of the same sex and some even find it to be sinful and disgusting... due to that, i've always tried very hard in my life to just make the best of both worlds (my straight life and plu) and to keep a clear separation so that none from the 'normal' society will find out about me...

however, as hard as i tried to keep things well separated, there always seems to be the leaks here and there and coincidence where people saw/ heard about me going out with guys and worst if the person saw some intimate acts with a guy.... in secondary school, some schoolmates of mind saw me in a partial gay club kissing in with a guy and i ended up being pointed finger at and labelled as a freak and gay... well, although i've graduated from my alma mater 2 years ago, those so called schoolmates of mine still remember the incident very well and i suppose, it'll be the same for the rest of my life (if i am to join or go out with them)..

anyway, back to my the present, my batchmates in my course has already started to find out about what who i am and my sexuality.. i have no idea how they know about it but one thing i am certain, they are already putting and drawing the boundary from me... and guess what, i am only in the 2nd month of my course and i have 10 more months to go till i return to Malaysia to my people and my society... long way to go i suppose...